FLASH ANNOUNCEMENT: "They" and "Anonymous"

It's been years, I know, I am sorry I have been hiding for so long. I will no longer be uncredited, nor am I searching for past dues or congratulations. I just want to say that I am the "THEY" that always says things AND I am the "ANONYMOUS" author of the poem Footprints as well as many other literary works.

Yeah, No, I Didn't Quit

A few weeks ago I ended yet another short stint at a shitty "company". The population of that organization was three, including myself. The boss/ owner was an utter douchebag that asserted his power by calling me names like kiddo and sweetheart. Maybe that is something you have to do when you keep CEO placard on your desk facing yourself so that you are reminded of your power as a boss of two. I spent my afternoons napping in the bathroom using the toilet paper roll as a make-shift pillow. I couldn't take it. It wasn't for me and I knew that at about day three for sure. I suppose one could say I had set myself up to fail. Having said that, I am not morning this loss nor am I upset. I embrace this moment as the end of a struggle in helping others attempt to live their dream. It is time I start living my own.

Happy Be-lated Birthday America!

Nothing makes me hornier than the 4th of July and competitive eating. Watching Joey Chestnut pack hot dogs in his face gets me all randy in my downstairs. I couldn't be any prouder to be an American.

Get Raped

It is customary to tell performers, "break a leg". I am not sure why, but it is not good to wish them, "good luck". This leads me to believe that it must not be good to tell gals traveling home alone during late night hours, "get home safe." It should become customary to tell them, "get raped".

Die You Fat Fuck Israeli Jew Bastard

In general, I don't hate Jews or Israelis, but I have a lot of anger towards this one in particular. He's a fat fuck company owner with bad hair and a terrible speech impediment that he tries to hide behind his stupid fucking accent (IN ENGLISH YOU FUCKING ASSHOLE). He also fired me after working for him for 7 weeks because he needed my chair for clients. I quit my previous job for this mother fucker. What the fuck? Sure I was in "business development" and sure the one job I brought in he told me we didn't have room for and sure when they called him there was magically room available. Fuck him. This mother fucker knew I had a learning curve when he hired me, which is why he hired me b/c I was cheap. And when I asked him what his expectations were for me to deliver, he told me it could take a while. Guess what you fat fuck Israeli Jew bastard? A while is more than 7 weeks. DIE. Fuck you and your company.

Fuck you and your family

I don't know what to make of people anymore. People should stop making their problems other people's problems. So you have have pregnant wife at home. So what. Who cahs? You think no one else has ever been pregnant before? Guess what... People have been getting pregnant for years. Not my problem. And if it's a problem for you now, just wait until that fucking kid is born. Talk about problems. So you have kids at home, I don't cah. Why do you think I cah? So what. I just asked you if you could work this weekend. I don't need to know that you have to talk to your wife and sort out childcare. Again not my problem. I get that it has to be done, but I don't have to hear about it. All you have to say is, "Let me see what I what I can do. I would love to make this work." That's all. And if your fucking wife or husband or whatever the fuck isn't cool with you earning a living, I don't need to know that either. Just simply say, "You know what I can't work this weekend, I'm booked, but thanks for thinking of me." That's it. It's that easy. Because when you start to make your fucking problems my fucking problems, guess what... I will never fucking work with you again. I can't. You know why? Because I already fucking hate you and your fucking family.

Sometimes you can't unsee things

So I think watching animals fuck is hilarious. What's not hilarious, is having seen a walrus suck his own dick affect your dreams. This happened to me. I had a dream that I had an elephant trunk penis hanging where my clitoritis should have been and after jerking it like a man piece, I trying shoving it in my lady hole all the while wondering why it took me this long to figure out that I was a hermaphrodite.

It's Go Time

Let's do this. It's go time.

Tomorrow is Monday. After Monday is Tuesday. After Tuesday is Wednesday. After Humpday is Thursday. After TGIT it's thank mother fucking god it's mother fucking Friday bitches.

There is light at the end of the tunnel. I will no longer run on treadmills in dark rooms. Grandpa Shapiro always said, "If you don't like your job quit." Dad always said, "What Grandpa Shapiro didn't say was, "... but be sure to have another job before you do."

My father is not much of a risk taker. As I am my father's daughter, I don't take many risks myself. In listening to them both, as a Shapiro, I developed a mantra of my own, "Anywhere but here."

I got a new job and quit my current one. It's go time. I have a new beginning. I have a new year. And I have an Empire state of mind.

Get Laid

It is that special time of year when I get to feel something other than my own fingers inside me. I went for my annual gyno appointment. I was in good spirits as was my gyno. We made chit chat about the last time I had a period, how I don't smoke and the fact that I am not currently sexually active. She happily gave me a 3 month supply of the pill which I happily thanked her for and then we got down to business. She got handsy with my boobs, had me scoot to the end of the table, swabbed up my innards and finger banged me while pressing on my stomach. After slipping off her lubricated rubber gloves and writing out my prescription she said, "As I have been telling all my non-sexually active patients, let's make 2010 the year." - True story.

In this economy....

I hate all the "in this economy..." talk. In this economy you should be happy to have a job. Well you know what, I'm not. In this economy you should fuck the fuck off. Let's talk about that. Let's stop talking about the economy.